If you encounter me IRL (In Real Life), miss me with the look of disappointment, dismay, or derision. Fashion Influencing is my job or at this point, my volunteer work and creating lewks for the masses is my art. You wouldn't expect to run into a vocalist in an aisle at Target carrying a microphone or a visual artist in line at the post office with a wet paint brush. So, don't expect to see me in a hat, halter and heels. I decided to do some alliteration in this post, so go with it. Yes, some fashionistas actually go places and wear amazing pieces to those places, and although I do have an IG closet and a separate IRL closet that seldom cross pollinate, I too was making plans to hit these streets. But CC and N'em is running amuck. Soooo, to the woman that I saw in line the other day that kept looking at me with a smirk and a runteldat spirit, you in this same DFWH line with me, wrenching your neck to see me, and then gon' prolly look me up so you can talk about me. Who winnin'?
YOU WON'T CATCH ME IN THIS
I am 5'3" y'all! Most of my adult life I thought I was 5'2" and despite my latent growth spurt, I cannot walk in these long AF pants and skinny AF heels. When I got to the museum, the photographer asked if I wanted to take the stairs up? What in the trapeze, tripped up, tragedy are you attempting to see here, Sir? My top is literally a piece of fabric that I tied, which I would wear (maybe) in the summer. But the jacket on top gives hunchback. And the belt...ummm. It's a lot to commit to. Finally, I don't like wearing makeup. Even if I am trying IRL, you prolly gon' get this one good eyebrow and some gloss.
NOW, WOULD I WEAR THAAAAT
YES YES and YES! Ok, not all of it. I was literally taking my braids out. Which could be a look if you did it early on in the install, but these joints were READY to come out. So, I started them, did the shoot and finished removing them immegiately after. Braids, I'll do, but hair jus' to be hairing on my head is foreign to me. This was my last look. Photographer: Can you walk down the steps? Me: *rolls eyes and turns up lip* I guess. When I say that was a test of mobility, motility and maneuverability. I had to mentally restart like two-three times. So NO NO and NO! I would not wear these boots as long as walking is still a thing. I need chunky, orthopedic adjacent heels.
OH, ELL NO
Now you're probably thinking, thank goodness because that skirt is too short. But I actually would wear the skirt, jus' not with heels or anywhere I may have to sit down. Having your whole azz on some random seating is the worst. I don't wear hats for the same reason I don't wear wigs because at some point in the development of the day, dinner, date I am going to need to take them off, and unfortunately I know I will. Not only do these heels bring to mind walking, but I would also ponder thigh circulation. Finally, I am wearing a turtleneck. I stretched it out, and popped as many seams as I could but I only have four words... gasping, with hands clasped at my neck - "My thoat, my thoat."
